harry potter and the double entendre.

I am not ashamed to admit that I have read the Harry Potter series multiple times. I feel that I pick up things I missed every time I read them, and I specifically ( because I do this with everything) find a lot of sentences that could be, well, suggestive. Now, I hardly think that lots of little children interpret things that way and I really doubt J.K. Rowling did it on purpose, though who knows, but I can find a sexual innuendo in anything. I guess it's because I hang out with guys too much. Anyway, here are some of my favorites:

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
"Whoops, my wand is a little over-excited." -Professor Lockhart.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
"Something silver white, something enormous erupted from the end of his wand."

"Can I have a look at Uranus, too, Lavender?" - Ron.

"Yeh've got to stroke 'em." -Hagrid.

"Hermione's mouth was slightly open after Harry had finished."

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
"Big bones. I'll give her big bones!" - Hagrid.

"Can I have a look at Uranus, too, Lavender?" -Ron.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
"What do you mean I'm not brave in bed?" -Harry.

"But whether James really did take off Snape's pants, Harry never knew."

"Harry's heart began to pump very fast. Defense against external penetration?"

"Which left Harry free to sit on the grass and watch the foursome under the tree."

"Yeah, Montague tried to do us during break." -Fred.

"He came last night, when you were in bed." -Ron.

"Was it...was it you know what, darling? Did he use his- thing?" -Petunia.

"I know you did Mark Evans two nights ago."
"He was asking for it!" -Harry and Dudley."

"Quite astonishing the way you contrive to wriggle out of very tight holes." -Snape.

"... every part of him screaming for release, Harry felt the creature use him again..."

"Fred and I managed to keep our peckers up somehow" -George (British version!)

"Ha ha ha, Harry, look at it--" said Ron, watching it disgorge its gaudy innards. "Harry, come and touch it, bet it's weird--"..."Harry, look what's happen--no--no, I don't like it--no, stop--stop--"

"One more lesson like that and I might just do a Weasley."

"...the handle's made of Spanish oak with anti-jinx varnish and in-built vibration controls..."- Ron.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
"I need to see what Draco Malfoy is doing inside you." -Harry.

"Maybe it's better if you do it yourself. I didn't enjoy it when Dumbledore took me along for the ride." - Harry.

"You remind me of James. He called it my 'furry little problem' in company." -Lupin.

"You will not object to getting a little wet?" -Dumbledore.


I know there's plenty I missed. I haven't read Sorcerer's Stone in a while and I need to skim through Deathly Hallows, but that's plenty for now I'd say.
Now, I don't want anyone to get all mad and offended by these, it's just how I perceive things sometimes. But what I do know is that I'm not the only one who sees these innuendos, so don't get all in a tizzy.

interesting facts.

I have a legitimate fear of zombies. I really don't know where this developed from, honestly. I suppose everyone is entitled to one irrational fear and at least I don't take it to the extreme of barracading myself in my house every night while maintaining my stock of unperishible food and ammunition, but it really does get to me that I even have these thoughts. I always say to myself "Well, A. You do know the unliklihood of this ever happening?" and then I respond "Yeah...but what if?" When you think about it, if the situation ever arises, it will be very difficult to survive. Sure, when you think about it logically, a zombie couldn't be the sprinting monsters of the re-vamped Dawn of the Dead seeing as dead bodies tend to be stiff, but the slow zombies get you, too, and to me that's just as scary. All I hope is that this random fear doesn't cause me to lose my mind and build a zombie-proof safe house one day, sleeping with a rifle next to my bed.

At least the people I know now are on my side. My boyfriend bought me a 10 pack of shooting targets with zombies on them and treated me to a trip to the indoor shooting range. At least I know the art of the zombie head shot now and will be prepared if I don't lose my grip under pressure.

Sure, people think I'm absolutely nuts. I think I'm crazy! But the fear is there and I guess I'll just have to wait until I grow out of it because I can't seem to get rid of it. All I can do is hope it doesn't get worse and I become that "crazy lady down the street." You know, the one that never goes outside and doesn't let people in? Oh, god.

Random: I will fight tooth and nail with you over the fact that 28 Days Later is not a zombie movie.